The fact Jezebel knew she would die; kept this knowledge from Lucien and wrote all her suspicions and theories down for me to read was self-sacrificing and brave, yet very sad. This stirred up unexpected feelings. When the journal suddenly stopped on Jezebel’s birthday I knew she had died. I slammed the journal closed and found tears streaming down my face, I could not breath; anxiety set in and found myself panic. The library started to swirl around me; nausea crept up from my stomach as I stood up, everything started to spin faster and faster. As I regained consciousness I found myself face down and alone on the library carpet. Taking a deep breath I moved onto my back, I decided to stay there for a bit for everything to settle just to have the sadness take over again. Why am I feeling like this? I asked myself as I felt all the pain pumping out of my heart into my chest and down my arms and legs. Again I could not breathe. I started to shake, not from the cold but from grief and anger, buried deep inside of me. I had to release it, I had to take ownership of it and let it go. I moved my body over onto my side raising my legs up to my chest and covered my head with my arms. I shook and started to cry uncontrollably.
I could not answer him, I kept my eyes closed and wailed like a baby. I felt him lift me up as he sat down and put me on his lap. He held my head to his chest and rocked me gently as he tried to lull the anguish I felt. The pain started to ease off and finally I felt the weight of grief and anger leave me, it was as if Lucien was absorbing it. I stopped shaking and looked up to find Lucien had been crying too. His face was wet with tears, his eyes red and sunken. I straightened up and took his face in my hands and kissed his eyes gently, then made my way to his lips finding them cold and dry. Warming them up with mine I coaxed them open with my tongue to find him greedily wanting more. Our kiss deepened, I could taste blood on his tongue, I did not care all I wanted was this kiss, this passion, this heat I felt pumping through my veins now, feeling much better than the pain of earlier.